When I look back on the 2 to 3 years of sheer gloom and depression in my life and the transformation when I emerged from it all, if I can say that I had an epiphany it occurred when I made the distinct choice that I would no longer accept depression and that I would choose to be happy.
To be sure, most anyone who knows me would not accuse me of being a cheerful canary of song and smile. Truth is, I am a downright moody person, so much so that I annoy even myself – which is a good thing because it serves as an easy reminder that I will not tolerate such ridiculous behavior and that I choose to be happy.
Happiness is a state of mind and most honestly reflects, in my opinion, contentment. Happiness is not necessarily exaltation, jubilation, or glee, which more accurately represent levels of happiness. No, the happiness I describe is across-the-board, everyday contentedness.
Sure, there are certainly moments of pants-wetting joy in our lives, but such occasions are infrequent. Besides, living with that much excitement in our lives might be fun for a while, but our hearts couldn’t stand it, let alone our pants.
I also believe that most people base their happiness as a reaction to some external stimuli. They laugh when they hear a joke. They smile when they see a baby or puppy. They sigh at a beautiful flower-carpeted meadow. They cheer for their team. And they cry at their child’s birth. When there is a dearth of stimuli, such people might find themselves bored, uneasy, and even unhappy. In the void of happy thoughts and good feelings creeps in the specter of disappointment, annoyance, aggravation – and worse – depression. Without something to react to, reactionary people find themselves less-than-happy.
Create a Happy Spa
That is why it is important for these people, and any person, to create their own stimuli. Arguably, we all gain our happiness based on the environment and stimuli that affect us each day. So, if that’s the case, we can choose to be happy by controlling the environment and stimuli. In other words, give yourself something to react to.
What causes you to be happy? Jokes? Family? Meadows? Sports? Whatever it is, you know what it is. Find a way to be around these people, places, activities, things as often as possible.
I don’t care too much for massages and spa treatments – my wife loves them – but I have to admit that the spa is an environment carefully designed to nurture relaxation and comfort. If you have been to a spa, you know what I’m describing: the music, the smells, the lighting, the comfy robes and chaise lounges, the delicious finger sandwiches and exotic teas, and even the temperature. Of course, there is the actual massage or facial or whatever voodoo they do to you in there. But the point is this: the spa is a deliberately designed environment engineered for your comfort. The spa has gone out of its way to immerse you in relaxation.
Should it be so different with happiness? Can’t we go out of our own ways to ensure that we are surrounded by people, places, activities and things that bring us joy? Because you already know what makes you happy, you can make your world a “happy spa” (yes, I poked my dimples when I typed that) just as simple as that.
There is no elaborate architecture to creating an environment around you that cultivates joy. Here is how I do it: I like music, singing poorly, cooking, time with my kids, time with my wife, running, traveling, adventure, reading, eating, drinking wine, drinking scotch (I like this a little too much), admiring beauty in nature, art, and so on and so on.
The point is not to share with you my turn ons but to point out that I am cognizant of the stimuli that improve my mood and generally preserve my contentedness. Equally important, these items are my refuge for when I am blue, red, green, yellow, and any other color of disquieting emotion.
These “happy items” are like devices I can use to elevate my mood. As I say, happiness is a choice that only I can control. If I choose to be happy, or if I need to be happy, I seek these devices like they are medication and relish them.
“You mean: find a ‘happy place’?” you say.
“Ugh.” I reply. “Yes, smart ass, find a ‘happy place.’ I hate that term, but that is essentially what I am suggesting.”
So as I was saying, here is how I do it: At work there are many frames of my wife, kids, parents, favorite dog, friends and travel photos. They are totems representing happy times, places and people. Though I am easily distracted, I will sometimes play music. I always play music in the car and sing until most motorists around me are embarrassed. I try to find time to run and read and cook, etc.
You see, I know what things make me happy and I strive to populate my world with them. They become the wallpaper of my life.
Alas! You say. There remain those a-holes in the world who conspire to do me harm, bring me down, and cut in front of me in traffic.
True.
There is no avoiding this. For as long as the sun shines and gravity pulls, jerks will populate this planet until the dinosaurs return. There is no changing this fact. There is no controlling it either.
The only person you can change and control is the one currently occupying your skin (unless you are a Siamese twin. I don’t know what to say to you other than “thanks for buying this book”). Just like happiness is a choice, so too is anger. And because we humans we react to stimuli, we can condition how we react to the negative ones.
Again, I must confess: I’m still working on this. Some people – and their middle fingers – are better engineered to allow frustration and anger to roll off their backs. I tend to try it on for size and wear it around the house before I clear my head and shrug it all off.
Still, when I find that the “world” is bringing me down, I have the choice to be happy, or at the very least, choose to deny my anger the power to consume me. This takes practice, but it is a choice. And the choice is yours.
Be the Happiness You Seek
You can start being a happier person now by,
· Decide to be happy. Make an honest-to-goodness real decision. Commit yourself. What do you have to lose? And make your decision now. Why put it off?
· Create a world of happiness around you. This is so easy. What makes you happy? Whatever it is get more!
· Be the happiness you seek.
I admit it. Creating an environment of happiness is sooooo passive-aggressive. And isn’t it simpleminded to assume that “if you build it, the happiness will come.” Well, no. I strongly disagree. Yes, this is a passive-aggressive approach, but it works.
On the other hand, another excellent way to cause happiness in your life is to take action. Many people find fulfillment and purpose in certain actions. Such actions inspire contentedness, or in the context of this passage, happiness.
Small acts of kindness, charitable work, reading to children, cleaning up your neighborhood, donating blood, donating money, cooking a meal for a sick friend, giving me a lift home from the bar… these are all gratifying, deliberate acts we can take that stimulate our desire for purpose and fulfillment. Best of all, the pleasant feelings generated by these acts occur during the act and long afterward.
And of course, do something for yourself: Get exercise, eat right, learn something new, read books, clean your toenails. The satisfaction of doing something good for you is its own reward, but in some cases (like exercise) the benefits are long-lasting.
Everyday is Thanksgiving
Always be thankful. Go ahead. Count your blessings.
Generally speaking, most humans are typically thankful for the things in life they value. Valuable things, I believe it is safe to assume, bring us some degree of joy. By regularly giving thanks to God – or simply by counting your blessings for you heathens out there – you are basically taking inventory of your valuables and expressing their importance to you.
Thanksgiving is, I believe, an important act that will remind you of the purpose and value of your life, and by association, will cause you happiness.
Voila!
See how easy it is to be happy?
People write whole books on finding happiness, and I’m sure they are abundantly happy when their book royalties are deposited in the bank. However, all the books and seminars really boil down to this simple notion: happiness is your choice and you have to take action if you want happiness to be yours.
OK, I guess there is more to say and do on happiness, so we will explore more in Chapter 5 by literally taking inventory of the things that make us happy. In that chapter we cover goal making, which is the map making technique that happy, successful humans do to aim for and secure the things in live they want.
Until then contemplate the wisdom of Ray Bradbury, who said, “We are all afraid. But I don’t do anything I don’t love. I wouldn’t dream of it. You have to be in love.”
… Treasure those who provide support in life, ignore those who do not and above all, follow your heart, follow your bliss.”
