In general it means diving deep into your imagination to discover what really turns you on. It means unshackling any inhibitions or nay-saying that prevent you from being as creative as you can be – as you want to be – when it comes to seeking, finding and fulfilling your beautiful life.
It means channeling childlike wonder and believing – no, expecting – that anything is possible, including that which is seemingly impossible.
For much of my life I had distrusted those who would proclaim that anything is possible and who would encourage us to dream impossible dreams. I was skeptical of these lovable idiots and their Don Quixote smiles and dimpled cheeks. Perhaps I surmised their world as too simplistic, too infomercial. Perhaps I was merely blinded by the bright sunshine reflecting off their toothy grins.
To me, their claims and motivational speeches were incredible. The most conspicuous “positive thinkers” are those who appear on late night television shows preying on the desperate and hawking their DVDs and books, or those who appear at the local Holiday Inn Express pitching their $500-a-ticket seminars. I am incredulous to their emotional, breathless pleas to follow their examples to chase after your dreams.
I was the cynic who nurtured this psychology for many years until I realized one day after years of unhappiness and emptiness that I was living for nothing. Intellectual pursuits had crowded out my spirituality and inner being; thus, I believed in nothing. Unpleasant relationships in my life had destroyed much of my faith in people; thus, I believed in no one. And total disrespect and low regard for myself had diminished my self-esteem; thus, I did not believe in myself.
Aside from family, there was no inspiration in life, no fulfillment. I was not living, as Oscar Wilde would put it, but merely existing. I was, as Henry David Thoreau would describe, living in quiet desperation.
Yet, in a brief, enlightening period of my life dappled with a random pattern of minor epiphanies, I was eventually struck at once with a moment of clarity that revealed to me how wrong I had been. My reality had been so terribly distorted that I could not see the excitement and bounty that life offers.
And let me be clear: “Epiphany” is a loaded word. Epiphanies are major events in people’s lives that cause irrevocable changes. They are so significant that, really, there is usually no more than one in a person’s life, if any.
How many times do you or your friends talk about the great epiphanies you’ve experienced in life? Have you ever been at cocktail party talking to a friend about what you had for dinner, the movie you saw last night, and, oh, the major epiphany that struck you down, raised you up and changed your life, and would you please pass the olives?
True, we often overstate the word, just like one might overstate by saying, “Oh, I could just kill you,” or “I am so in love with Nutella.”
We might use the word after switching from Coke to Pepsi by describing the experience as an “epiphany,” but rarely if ever do we describe to our friends, family and acquaintances such “Road to Damascus” life changing epiphanies.
So I am not intentionally trivializing the word by describing a series of meaningful events in my life as “minor epiphanies.” Each of these occasions were in and of themselves life-altering moments, but it took the whole collection of them to culminate into my transformation (another loaded word, but I am becoming weary parsing my rhetoric). So, yeah, they were epiphanies.
I left agnosticism for faith. I learned that happiness is a choice. I learned that anything is possible. I learned to dream the Big Things. I learned to do Big Things. Etc., etc. It all happened gradually, but it happened.
Almost as with a brand new pair of eyes, the world appeared to me as a new frontier. This slow learning process took quite some time. It did not occur overnight, but what was important to me was that the process led me to one conclusion: Life is beautiful, and you can make into whatever you want.
During the metamorphosis, I resolved to be happy, to experience new things, to be ambitious with my dreams and to make them happen or die trying.
Now, before you accuse me of infomercial Don Quixotism, let me propose that we all of us humans want meaning and purpose in life, be it in the form of religion, happiness, vocation, family, experiences, money, possession, relationships, influence… you name it. If you don’t crave fulfillment, I submit that you are where I was those years ago with no faith, hope or love. Please read on, this book is for you. If you do have the faith, hope and love, and even know what you want in life, read on. This book is for you too. You know what you want, allow me to help you get it.
Our dreams can come to us at the weirdest times: moments of inspiration, moments of anxiety, moments of boredom, and moments of desperation.
Neil Armstrong bouncing on the moon might inspire some to become an astronaut. An imminent foreclosure on the family’s home might motivate some to seek greater wealth and security. Gazing blithely out the office window might lead some to a new career choice. Vagabond shoes and small town blues might press the wanderer to seek a new life.
However the process, whatever the dream, the aspirations in our lives appear to us frequently and with little prompting. Recognize, if you will, that these hopes and dreams are our heart’s unvarnished aspirations. They are what we long for.
In fact, this is a great place, right at the beginning, to engage in a quick, easy exercise that will take 10 minutes.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A doctor? A lawyer? A police officer? A fire fighter? A veterinarian? The Crocodile Hunter? An “army man?” A ballerina? A lobbyist for a Fortune 500 chemical company (ahem! But I digress)? Did you want to live in a certain place? Did you want money? Did you want to own the Pittsburgh Steelers or be an Olympic gymnast?
As a child you perhaps were awestruck by certain role models in your life that bedazzled you with their authority or the halo of their aura… or even simply their uniform. It was easy for you then to say, “I want to be that.” More importantly, you, like most kids, simply declared, “That’s what I am going to be when I grow up.”
And it was as simple as that. More importantly, children are unencumbered with self-doubt and limitations.
In the meantime, between then and now, life happened and most likely steered you off course. Your grades might not have been exemplary. You might have endured a career ending sports injury or were professionally knocked out by a financial set back.
Certainly, there may have been many life-changing circumstances that have influenced the path you have journeyed. Perhaps the less-than-awesome entry-level job out of college accidentally turned into a less-than-inspiring career. And of course you may have bound yourself to a relationship (or relationships) that took you places you never dreamed about (including hell). Chances are, you are not exactly where you wanted to be when you were 7 years old.
Now, I don’t expect everybody to still carry the torch for a stable of ponies and unicorns or for comic book super powers (well, I sometimes do). And of course, your dreams might have changed anyway. When you turned 8 years old, you decided to be a professional cheerleader or racecar driver. When you turned 15, perhaps you determined that the slacker life was for you, and by college you frankly became whatever your grades and a new employer allowed you to become.
I’ll admit that the dreams and ambitions of a child are more likely to be superficial than practical. After all, said child hasn’t sat through a job interview or sat for the bar exam. Said child hasn’t gotten married and begat his or her progeny. Said child did not have credit card debt or a mortgage or rent.
Still, a child’s dream is an unvarnished, uncomplicated, heart-pounding, pupil-dilating vision of excitement.
But I contend, “So What?!” The dreams of that child were honest, simple and from the heart. They were unburdened by caveats like, “When I finish my MBA…,” or “After I make so much money…,” or disclaimers like “I can’t do that anymore…” or “That’s nonsense at this point in my life.”
Why can’t you visit that child right now and channel his or her imagination? What stops you from gazing up into the stars right now (assuming it is night) and telling yourself, “I want to be X”? “I want to have Y.” “I want to do Z.”
This seems goofy, does it not? Why? Why should such an “impractical” exercise that costs you nothing be any goofier than living a life unfulfilled?
So, what is the “Big Thing” you ask? I think Don Quixote explains it best….
To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause
And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest
And the world will be better for this
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star
That one man, scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star
from MAN OF LA MANCHA (1972)
music by Mitch Leigh and lyrics by Joe Darion
This you must do
Take 10 minutes and think about what you wanted to be when you grew up. Think about what you now want to be when you grow up. Think also about what you want to have, do, experience. Be the little kid and dream the ideal life without the entanglement of caveats and disclaimers. Meanwhile mediate on what Tom Robbins, one of my favorite authors, says: “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”
Or, take the approach that Seven Habits of Highly Effective People guru Stephen Covey would suggest, which is: begin with the end in mind. In other words, if you can pretend that you are now at the end of your life looking back over your personal history, what do you wish you would have experienced, accomplished, enjoyed? How do you want to be remembered? In other words, if you had to live your life over again, what would you do differently? Write it down. Mediate on the list. What has happened between then and now? What can happen between now and forever? What’s stopping you?
Oh, and try to shove a marathon or two in that list.
I confess, when I was growing up – and by “growing up” I mean from childhood up until last week – my list included the following:
- Veterinarian
- Pilot
- Architect
- Artist
- Astronomer
- Writer
- House on the beach
- House in the mountains
- Indiana Jones
- a firetruck
Again, these were the dreams of a child, and they reflected my reality at that moment in time. I am sure that at the time I expected 95% of the means by which these dreams were to be attained were based on my parents getting them for me.
And that’s the great things about dreams: they evolve based on your reality. A BIG THING of today quite literally could be your “yawn” of tomorrow. Better still, even BIGGER THINGS come along that strike up your band.
Obviously, very little of my list actually materialized. Did I fail? What happened to those childlike ambitions? When I was 12 years old my family visited the Nation’s Capital. Touring the monuments, the White House and the FBI filled me with amazement. I was so charged I couldn’t stand it. Then, on a tour of the U.S. Senate chamber floor, I walked in the place and among the desks of American legend where the history of our country was forged.
It was there at that time I got bit by the bug. That moment so transformed my life that it shaped everything about me since then. As much as Americans despise their government, I love it. I love it so. It is the living legacy that links us from present-day United States directly to the Continental Congress.
Because of “Potomac Fever,” my life’s other desires seemed to diminish. I was less interested in becoming architect, artist, astronomer, and so on. Still, I maintain amateur biologist’s interest in flora and fauna, a working man’s pursuit of stars and planets, and I love love love to write. Despite your opinion of my skills to the contrary, I thrive on writing and will do so forever.
So you see, I never gave up on that youngster’s deep thoughts of chasing down the possible. I discovered what was truly important to me and chased it down. And one day, I promise you, I will become Indiana’s distant, less handsome cousin, Louisiana Jones.
More importantly, I dream now all the time. I think BIG THING thoughts constantly. That’s why running for me is such a personal enjoyment. Others choose to plug their ears with headphone; I like to think. The time spent on the road is as therapeutic as it is inspirational because it allows me the special “me time” where I visit the child and imagine all the wonderful things ahead in my unfolding happy childhood.
Admittedly, there are obstacles, challenges, and new priorities in your life that might cause a dream to be postponed. It is easy to get discouraged and throw in the towel when that happens. Believe me, I have been through some of these challenges the last several years, and I have often been tempted to chunk my dreams in the trash bin.
Some people have money problems, lose a job, lose a loved one, suffer poor health, or whatever. These are obstacles that get between you and your dream. Some people get married and have kids, which causes them to reprioritize their dreams (ideally, the spouse and kids enter into the dream picture as new dreams and wishes).
Whatever the circumstances, the dreams – real, honest to goodness dreams – won’t go away. You may have to postpone them. You may have to think differently about negotiating all the other obligations (and dreams) in your life to attain what you want.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, my dreams are a part of who I am. They are meaningful and inspirational. I can’t get rid of them even if I try. It sometimes hurts to have them when it feels like life’s other challenges get in the way and prevent you from fulfilling your dreams.
The 2% Fulcrum
My wife says that I am perhaps among 2 percent of the entire global population who think this way – and she is not, I might add, flattering me. And she’s probably right. But I believe that 100 percent of the planet – meaning everybody – dream for a better life, wish they could play the piano, want more money, want true love, want to excel at work, want to lose weight, want to hit all their free-throws, want As and Bs on their report cards, want to be healthier, want _______ (insert your desire here).
Many people observe celebrity and wish they were rich, famous or superbly talented. This is the unfortunate byproduct of witnessing greatness and wanting to have it. Most folks focus on the end result and disregard the years of blood, sweat and tears it takes to create such greatness.
Everybody wants something – something they consider unattainable or impossible to achieve – and merely dismiss such dreaming as passing fancy or pipe dreaming.
Have you ever whined, “Oh, I wish I could…” or “If I only had….”? Of course you have. Or, if you haven’t whined about it, you secretly have held a desire to have or do something more than what you’ve got or done so far.
Before I trained for my first marathon, I easily dismissed such fanciful notions of marathons and mountain climbing as ridiculously out of my reach. Boy, have I changed.
Well, you can do whatever it is you want, and you can have that which you desire. You see, yes, there are perhaps only 2 percent of the world’s population that think this way, but it takes the 2 percent to show the other 98 percent that dreams are real and can come true.
And by the way, it is the 98 percent who either work for or admire the glamorous 2 percent. Hmmm. Maybe there’s something to that.
Allow me to draw what is perhaps a strange illustration: the characters in the disturbing film Fight Club belong to a club, obviously, chartered for fist fighting. Blood and guts aside, the movie presented a thesis that sticks with me today. The leader of the club recruits members and challenges them to leave the comfort zone of their boring, predictable, routine lives and to learn to literally fight for their lives.
By fighting, they learn their limits and potential, but more importantly, once they measure the capacity of their individual powers, they become more powerful. Powerful because they lose their fear of the unknown. They literally lern how to take a punch. They learn their pain threshold. They learn just how brave (or crazy) they are and how far they are willing to push their limits.
Their confidence increases because they conquer their unknowns. Of course, I and the police and your parents don’t encourage you to become violent and self-flagellating, but at least I urge you to test the boundaries of your abilities [isn’t that like free speech too? Challenging our sensibilities to teach us new perspectives?]. Doing so will empower you to chart newer, bolder courses in your life.
Life doesn’t have to be about winning the presidency or the Super Bowl or the Pulitzer Prize (though these are worthy goals, and if you strive for them, I believe you can make them happen!). Most of us mortals live on terra firma where our goals usually are to get out of debt, get a better job, gain more wealth, have a healthy family, or seek out other life events or milestones typical of most humans. However, if there is one point I hope you walk away from this book with, it is simply: Ask yourself what you want and go after it. Equally important, as yourself what is seemingly impossible or scary and go after that!
Happy Hour, Happy Times. Drinkin’ and Dreamin’
In the spring of 1996, I was living in Washington, DC, working in the U.S. House of Representatives. My house was located near the office and next to a popular bar. Go figure. My cousin, who is much less handsome and nowhere near as charming as me, came up for a visit from Richmond one weekend. After about three pitchers of beer and several hours of talking smack about nothing, one of us courageously proclaimed that he would jump out of an airplane tomorrow morning. No kidding. The other, I don’t remember whom, readily agreed, and by the next morning we both were calling skydiving companies all up and down the Chesapeake.
Fortunately for us, nobody was taking customers that morning. This was good because both of us would have been puking before we put on our jumpsuits.
None deterred, we tried again the next morning, suspicious of the other’s determination to go through with the Bud-filled challenge two nights before. Politely locking our pride in the basements of our souls, neither would admit that he was a little scared to go through with it. We remained this way for the hour drive out to the jump grounds, through the training videos and demonstrations, and while being strapped into jumpsuits three sizes too small and ten odors too stinky. In fact, we swallowed our pride enough to fly a corkscrew pattern up to 10,500 feet in a puddle-jumper, in bad weather until we each jumped out the plane free falling at 120 miles per hour for more than a mile, flying like Superman - rather, dropping like Superman in a jumpsuit of kryptonite - until we pulled our cords, felt our progeny thrust into our stomachs, and floated delicately to the earth while muttering to ourselves, “Holy crap. I did it.” And I did. I’ve got a video, pictures, and a high-pitched voice to prove it.
Two weeks later I found myself at the same watering hole, waxing moxie and derring-do, sharing tales of my conquest with an easily unimpressed audience, when again the gauntlet was thrown for yet another challenge. Among our lot there was discussion of great, but impossible feats. You know, those ridiculous human pursuits of cave diving… bungee jumping… mountain climbing (hmmmm) … sky diving (hey, wait a minute)… and marathoning (Eureka!).
One of us declared, I don’t remember whom, “Let’s run a marathon!”
The Bat Signal of adventure and personal challenge was lit, the challenge was made, and I would respond with a “Holy crap, Batman! I’m going to run a marathon!”
I know you’re not stupid. You do not need me to state explicitly what was implied in my cleverly told anecdote. But, I will. You don’t need pitchers of beer to dream big. We all do that anyway. Take, for instance, the sensation you feel when you buy a lottery ticket. If you haven’t bought a lottery ticket, you won’t understand. Put the book down, go to the 7-Eleven or Quickie Mart or the gas station and purchase $1 of lotto-filled inflated expectations. Work with me on this.
As you hold the ticket in your hand, what are thinking? You’re thinking how you’re going to spend the money aren’t you? You’re fantasizing about losing a shoe in your boss’ derriere as you sign off from jobland. What car are you driving? Where is the house(s) you’re going to build? Now you can do that thing you’ve always been dreaming about. Now you can be, now you can have….
Now stop. What are you doing? You are dreaming big. In your mind are the castles and sports cars and fine clothes and fabulous vacations and other opportunities that are otherwise absent from your day-to-day thinking. This is the “Impossible Dream,” and it doesn’t take a pitcher of beer or a lottery ticket to conceive them in your head. Come on. Let go. Let your mind wander like an ADD patient at a whistles and bells convention. Just dream. Its fun, it’s easy, and it’s free.
So, what do you want? Ask yourself, what is it? Good. Now I’ll show you how to get it.
