What causes you to be happy? Jokes? Family? Meadows? Sports? Whatever it is, you know what it is. Find a way to be around these people, places, activities, things as often as possible.
I don’t care too much for massages and spa treatments – my wife loves them – but I have to admit that the spa is an environment carefully designed to nurture relaxation and comfort. If you have been to a spa, you know what I’m describing: the music, the smells, the lighting, the comfy robes and chaise lounges, the delicious finger sandwiches and exotic teas, and even the temperature. Of course, there is the actual massage or facial or whatever voodoo they do to you in there. But the point is this: the spa is a deliberately designed environment engineered for your comfort. The spa has gone out of its way to immerse you in relaxation.
Should it be so different with happiness? Can’t we go out of our own ways to ensure that we are surrounded by people, places, activities and things that bring us joy? Because you already know what makes you happy, you can make your world a “happy spa” (yes, I poked my dimples when I typed that) just as simple as that.
There is no elaborate architecture to creating an environment around you that cultivates joy. Here is how I do it: I like music, singing poorly, cooking, time with my kids, time with my wife, running, traveling, adventure, reading, eating, drinking wine, drinking scotch (I like this a little too much), admiring beauty in nature, art, and so on and so on.
The point is not to share with you my turn ons but to point out that I am cognizant of the stimuli that improve my mood and generally preserve my contentedness. Equally important, these items are my refuge for when I am blue, red, green, yellow, and any other color of disquieting emotion.
These “happy items” are like devices I can use to elevate my mood. As I say, happiness is a choice that only I can control. If I choose to be happy, or if I need to be happy, I seek these devices like they are medication and relish them.
“You mean: find a ‘happy place’?” you say.
“Ugh.” I reply. “Yes, smart ass, find a ‘happy place.’ I hate that term, but that is essentially what I am suggesting.”
So as I was saying, here is how I do it: At work there are many frames of my wife, kids, parents, favorite dog, friends and travel photos. They are totems representing happy times, places and people. Though I am easily distracted, I will sometimes play music. I always play music in the car and sing until most motorists around me are embarrassed. I try to find time to run and read and cook, etc.
You see, I know what things make me happy and I strive to populate my world with them. They become the wallpaper of my life.
Alas! You say. There remain those a-holes in the world who conspire to do me harm, bring me down, and cut in front of me in traffic.
True.
There is no avoiding this. For as long as the sun shines and gravity pulls, jerks will populate this planet until the dinosaurs return. There is no changing this fact. There is no controlling it either.
The only person you can change and control is the one currently occupying your skin (unless you are a Siamese twin. I don’t know what to say to you other than “thanks for buying this book”). Just like happiness is a choice, so too is anger. And because we humans we react to stimuli, we can condition how we react to the negative ones.
Again, I must confess: I’m still working on this. Some people – and their middle fingers – are better engineered to allow frustration and anger to roll off their backs. I tend to try it on for size and wear it around the house before I clear my head and shrug it all off.
Still, when I find that the “world” is bringing me down, I have the choice to be happy, or at the very least, choose to deny my anger the power to consume me. This takes practice, but it is a choice. And the choice is yours.
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